william flew emails 2

September 20, 2011 § Leave a comment

Pretty cheeky, huh? Maybe it is. Maybe it’s even worse than that. Emails, after all, are the bane of our amazingly busy and important existences, are they not? In fact, “clogging up” other people’s inboxes is generally agreed to be one of the modern world’s most antisocial sins. “I came back from lunch and there were 30 new messages in my inbox,” they groan. Or they used to groan. Until the arrival of smartphones: at which point they took their hated inboxes out with them to lunch. Which is why I smell a rat.
Think of all the other things we agree to hate (under normal circumstances. I’d help you all with an example, but I’m off on holiday tomorrow and am feeling disproportionately positive about life). The point is, we don’t generally go to the trouble of buying lightweight machines so we can carry the things we hate around with us wherever we go — to lunch, to the lavatory, to bed… Reader, we are addicted to our inboxes. We may whinge and whine about them as much as we like, but in truth we cannot really stand to be apart.
Listen to the explosion of bleeps and buzzes that fills the cabin air as every flight comes into land, and passengers lurch to switch on their little devices. Watch their expressions, rigid and intense, the struggle to remain patient etched on their faces as they survive those final few seconds while the inbox clog too slowly downloads. I say “they”. I mean me, too. Of course! Crikey, who knows what Tesco.com might have had to say to me during that long, smartphone-free flight? There might be a sale on at Gap.UK! Heaven forbid, somebody might have found Anna’s netball skirt!
Ooh, a ping! Wait there — I see somebody’s replied about Zebedee’s small brown or yellow pencil. How peculiar… How very exciting. “Sorry to disappoint. Unable to locate.” Well, of course she can’t. It never existed. But there’s an advertisement for her art exhibition at the bottom. Isn’t that splendid? I think I may have started a trend.
“Thanks for looking!” I shall reply. She’ll hear the merry ping of an email waiting and know that somebody, somewhere is thinking of her. One good turn deserves another. Maybe this time I’ll put the Amazon link at the top


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